The Book Two Posts: The Rewrite Ep. 3 & The Value of Staring into Space

During the past few weeks, I've spent more time trying to distance myself from the books. My sister is my first beta reader, and she understands that this is a draft and that nothing is set in stone at this point. She said she was enjoying it so far, and I think I had sent her about fourteen chapters at that point. Then she asked for the whole thing, and, although I cringed at the thought--I had not rewritten ANY of the last chapters, and there were so many broken threads--I sent them. Since then, I have been decompressing and binge-watching videos. :)

After writing a draft, it's always good for an author to distance themselves from a book in order to gain some objectivity. Initially, I was too tempted to go back to the book and try to fix things that I know need to be fixed. Those things still need to be fixed, and I will get to them. Eventually.

For the moment, I'm trying to not mess with it, and that's hard sometimes, especially when I know some of the things that need to be fixed. However, at this point, there are some things that I really need to think about before proceeding.

"If I never gave myself the luxury of daydreaming and only measured my productivity by words recorded, ... I will have followed a narrow-minded trail from the beginning to the last chapter without allowing myself to consider the fact that there might be a better way to write this part."

I grew up in areas where schools didn't have impressive art programs. Teachers scolded me for wasting time drawing during our free period when I had finished my work. We weren't supposed to sit idly; we had to be doing something. The focus was on productivity and things that could be visibly observed and labeled as work. The act of discussion and collaboration became really big in the last couple of decades, and in college and university, we were forced to jump through hoops with one activity after the other and work together on projects. The idea taught to us was that if ONE person in the class wasn't doing well, it was everyone's fault. We were told that kids learn better from each other.

I digress: Part of me thinks that sounds a bit like the blind leading the blind. Weren't we encouraged to listen to elders and learn from THEIR experiences lest we make the same mistakes? Instead, students are being taught to go through the same lines of thought that led to past failures? If history repeats itself and people learn from history, then wouldn't the result of eliminating history be crippling future generations?

Personally, I don't agree with that type of thinking--that it's everyone fault if one person doesn't assert themselves and try to learn. I always felt, even in high school, that a person gets out of education what they put into it.

I digress again: I have seen students who have been labeled as "slow learners" outperform the "regular" kids in classes because they put forth more effort. They followed instructions and took pride in their work. The special education teacher explained to me that they worked harder because they wanted to escape the stigma. She also said that an argument could be made that more of the "regular" kids needed to be in special education, but their parents didn't want them to be labeled as "slow learners." Besides, having more students in the program meant less time dedicated to each student and limiting the effectiveness of the program.

The idea that the other person in your group gets the same grade you got even though you worked harder is teacher-condoned cheating relabeled as collaboration. This kind of education doesn't inspire a person to work harder or be better. Knowing that, regardless of how hard you work, your colleague is going to get the exact same score, only inspires mediocrity.

I think that schools and colleges have done a great disservice to students by forcing "activity" and limiting critical thinking. You can't force someone to think critically. You can guide them along and try to teach them the ropes, but it seemed like schools were limiting the ability to think critically and empowering groupthink, with everyone coming in at a very uninspired mediocre. Lately, I'm seeing a lot of "don't be afraid to fail" and "fail fast" mentality being taught. Is it any wonder that all of this correlates to an increase in anti-anxiety drugs and lack of attention span? Is it any wonder that people have to have therapy and take up yoga to clear their minds? In a world where the ability to "multitask" is a requirement, maybe we just need to slow down.

Personally speaking, when my attention is demanded nearly 24/7 every few minutes by text messaging, emails, or other digital "reminders", I start to go a little stir-crazy. I feel like my brain is on a choke chain. I can hang up trying to think or write. Instead, I start monitoring symptoms for signs of particular illnesses. I feel like a puppet and get depressed and sick.

I grew up during a period when we still sat in rows, and teachers lectured. This format is considered to be the "dark ages" now. During my teenage years, I would take my journal and slip off to the cow pasture next to our yard, where I would find a spot--hidden from view by honeysuckle vines and blackberry briars--to sit and write without being monitored.

As an artist and a writer, I know the value of quiet observation. I know the value of staring into space and getting lost in thought. To most people, writing mostly looks like recording words, whether it's in longhand or on a computer. It looks like getting lots of words--any words--down and producing pages and pages of words. For me, sitting in silence and staring into space is just as important. Obviously, if all one does is stare into space without ever writing down the thoughts that come to mind while staring off into space, then it's hard to label that person as a writer. All the same, it's important to me, as a writer, to daydream and gather my thoughts. To think of a better way to tell a story.

If I never gave myself the luxury of daydreaming and only measured my productivity by words recorded, then my book may never become the best possible version of itself. I will have followed a narrow-minded trail from the beginning to the last chapter without allowing myself to consider the fact that there might be a better way to write this part. That I might be missing opportunities to improve it.

That being said, I haven't really messed with the book in the past couple of weeks. My goal this year was to finish two rough drafts, and I am halfway there already and have been for some times. This quiet time allows me to think about my characters, to think about what I might have overlooked or where I missed the mark. To consider other possibilities. It took years to write my first book and less than three to finish and publish the second. I can allow myself a few more months for this one to ripen rather than rushing to be published. It's no longer a matter to prove to myself that I can write or finish a novel. This time, I'm using what I have learned and going for writing a better novel. 

TTFN.